Adventures in Poetry

he who can, does. he who cannot, teaches.

~George Bernard Shaw

i find it reckless
the endless commentary on love
the sound we have made to silence the truth
that lonely
has made its best friend of you
even in all of your love poem
all of your love song
and all love making
you have never once been in love
the way you promise in all of your words
i find you
at best
a liar
and at worst
a vagrant heart
i find you
small
in all of your far-fetched declaration
promises you have no power to make true
i find it strange
that in all of this love talk
no one has ever made a lover of you

Adventures in Sulking

so.

today was the first day since "the incident" my first year, that i was legitimately concerned that i was going to lose my job. i spent much of the morning searching the faculty handbooks, looking through the civility policies, professional standards, the whole nine - trying to piece together a reasonable explanation for when i was called to the carpet this morning.

but the more i searched, the more i pieced....the less worried i became about the outcome of this meeting. i mean, i have said "i don't care" before - but i really did not care whether or not today was my last day inside of that school buidling. i tried to drum up some concern about the nothing that is in my bank account, and parlay that into some desire to fight for this job...but it would not happen.

and then i tried to garner the testicular fortitude to turn in my 30 days and peace out, but i couldn't do that either. i have sense enough to know that too much purposelessness in my days will be the thing that finally makes me jump off a bridge or something, and so i can't quit my job until i have some sort of direction. that, however, requires some knowledge of what it is i want to do with myself, and i don't have it. i couldn't even convince myself that i really wanted to pursue writing in any way that could stave off homelessness.

i'm 26. i'm unhappy. i'm lonley. i hate my job. and i have no goals.
the following comes to mind:

Peace Be

Adventures in Teaching

So.

The original intent of this post was going to be to vent about the newest batch of crap that comes along with being a classroom teacher...but just thinking about it in a way that makes the rant coherent enough to write about has exhausted me.

I am tired.

Peace Be