Adventures in 1/30

he said

       if you don’t quit smoking, you will die
like it was a fact
like there was no leeway
like the next drag
like the very next drag of my cigarette
would be the last thing i ever did on this earth
his friendly demeanor like dust in the ashtray
his white coat like a last-chance warning

       hear me
he said

       you can quit, or you can die

that day i bought a fresh pack of cigarettes
placed it on the nightstand with the birth control and inhaler
here is how i played russian roulette with myself

sometimes i did not use condoms
other times i was still buzzed when i drove
most recent i placed a flame 3 inches from my face
and breathed slow
the savor of nicotine and suicide
like a bullet in the chamber
with a mighty slow spin
and something seductive in the pull

there is still a pack of parliaments
on the bookshelf
in my bedroom
in case i ever get trigger happy
eager to watch the world end in a puff of smoke

Adventures in NaPoWrimo 2012

So. 

Can we talk about how it's April already?
Can we talk about how I've only added 1 or 3 new po-ems to my repertoire since the conclusion of NaPoWriMo last April?
Can we talk about how I'm up to my earlobes in ideas, but still somewhere around my ankles in actual words?
Can we talk about how tragic that is?

*sigh*

We're three days out from NaPoWriMo 2012, and I'm so geeked up I can hardly see straight. Last year's 30/30 gave birth to some astounding awesomeness, including (but not limited to) {}At First Sight and a pretty dope award from the good folks at Franklin-Christoph.

Two things that will be different this year:

1. Going to concentrate about a third of my efforts to po-ems for the stage, and leave the rest to po-ems for the page, and
2. Going to write a pantoum this year. (Pantoums have been my secret poetry goal since I was 14 or so, and I have yet to create even the most humble beginnings of one) 

Be sure to check out the good folks at NaPoWrimo for daily prompts and links to the to other poets that will be playing along. And I'm most certain that some folks will post their contributions on Facebook or their personal pages....but you'll have to  dig around for those on your own.


Until Sunday
Peace Be
---
P.S.  I don't really know why she's on my mind today, but sidebar shout out to one of the old homies, Joyce, - one of the only women I know who is truly fearless in her creativity and unapologetic about how it is expressed. The part of me that still hides in my work, wants to be like her when it grows up.

Adventures in Decision Making

So.

I want to tell the world about some of the new things that may (or may not) be coming down the pipe for me in the near future, but it would be unwise to do so.
But.

I will say that I have made a decision to walk away from something that has been a pretty huge part of my life the last few years, and just the act of making that decision has lifted a huge weight from my shoulders. I'll let you know more when I can.

In other news:
I haven't posted a po-em in for-e-ver (you've seen The Sandlot right?) and so here's something I wrote awhile back. I wish I could explain the space I was in when I wrote it...but I'm not even sure that I remember. Wherever that was - I'm glad not to be there anymore.

Peace Be
---

sometimes
being a poet means searching the sky for the right shade of blue
to call your eyes when the open each morning
other days it means saying goodbye
today
my pen taught me the difference between not saying yes
and saying no
is as boundless as the space between attempted
and suicide
here is the truth
poetry is the only worthwhile distraction
from the violence trying to weave a kind of music in my throat
what sounds like a lullaby
is a symphony of sadness
i would sing it to you
if only i could make out the words