Adventures in Happy Endings

So.

A couple days ago I watched happythankyoumoreplease, which is a pretty decent flick that captures that sort of...snapshot of a moment when you realize you're an adult. And it's set in New York. And there's a woman with alopecia universalis. And a small negro. Which is always nice.

As usual, I ignore the larger themes of the movie and focus on the most obscure points in the plot to inform what I believe to be true about the world. In this case - the concept of the one-night stand.

I think that one-night stands are interesting...because they never tend to be as "one-night" as people would suppose. At least not here in your smaller cities or university campuses. I think we've all had that awkward moment where you run across "that guy from last week with the insert-identifying-traits-here"...and wondered how we could have been so naive to think that we could actually never see that person again. I mean never? Really? Especially now in the world of social networking and constant communication - I run into Kanye West's one night stands, my mother's ex boyfriend's one night stands, your one night stands...and yes, that guy from last week with the purply birthmark.

What's even more interesting, is that deep down, I don't know that anyone truly believes in the "one-nightedness" of the one-night stand. We secretly believe that "one-night" will turn into "first-date" will turn into "first anniversary" will become "happily-ever-after".

Which of course got me thinking about what "h-e-a" even means. Of course we're socialized to believe that it means a wedding and children and a marriage that lasts until someone dies...but is that really the only picture of a successful relationship? Can't a successful relationship also be one that only lasts for a few years...if at the end of that time, both people can make the healthy decision to separate from each other? If we accept that friendships grow and change, why can't we accept that in a romantic relationship, there may come a point where the couple (or "grouple" if you dig the polyamorous vibe) should separate? Why does it always have to be some tragic heartbreak that ends a relationship? Some grand event that takes what you thought might add up the greatest years of your life and shadow them with pain, distrust, and a whole host of other emotions that require vodka and cheesecake to set straight? I tend more towards the thinking that if we trust ourselves to see the right moment to enter a relationship, we should also trust ourselves to find the right space to exit.

Just watch the movie. It's worth the 100 minutes.

Peace Be

Adventures in Illness

So.

I remember getting tested for HIV for the first time as being an...unreal experience. SparkONE was helping one of the homies with a project near the campus - teaching teens and 20somethings about the importance of knowing their status. We talked to the girls, did a couple po-ems, and at the end, there were people on site to give tests. Our audience, even after our dope presentation, seemed a little hesitant to volunteer, so all of us that participated in presenting also volunteered to get tested.

I think up until that point I'd had a real casual disregard for the seriousness of any STD. But the very real possibility of this community building activity ending in some awkward conversations with exes laid me out for a few days. Literally. I remember when they called me to review my test results I was laying on the floor and holding my breath. I think I might have struck some very hasty agreement with the Lord along the lines of...if I'm negative, I will walk the straight and narrow for the rest of my life...

For those of you that are getting nervous - this is not one of those confessionals - I tested negative then, and I'm still negative now...but today I'm remembering how the experience of waiting for that phone call made me..zealous about people knowing their status...and how that zeal faded away over time...got back to thinking we were all invincible. But that's just not the case.

I lost my uncle awhile ago to AIDS. And today I found out that my aunt has been fighting that same fight. Has been fighting for awhile now. But all roads are pointing to any any-day-now ending, just because she didn't jump in the ring soon enough.

*sigh*

I know that there are only 4 or so people that pass by this thing with any regularity. But to the 4 of you - know your status. Encourage your friends to know theirs. I figure that finding out too late has to be much more terrifying than the process of finding out at all.

Peace Be

Adventures in Gratitude

so.

with all the connectivity and openness brought about by facebook and twitter and now even the post secret mobile app, i have spent much of the day being bored by the "here's what i'm thankful for" lists of friends, family members, and strangers alike. there's something that seems so disingenuous about posting something like that on this holiday, devoted mainly to mass food consumption and extreme shopping conditions. i mean i get it - it's called thanksgiving. therefore there is an almost compulsive desire to give thanks. but i promise most of the things i read felt like they'd been copied from an eCard and pasted into the status box...

nevertheless.

it's 11:35 and i'm neither sleepy, nor able to wrestle the remote control away from my baby brother in order to watch something coherent on television. so i present to you:

The Official Thanksgiving 2011 List of Things For Which I Am Thankful

(woo!)

I'm thankful most of all for how my relationship with God has been changing, and the ability to separate what is true about my church from what is true about God. and the ability i guess to look at the discrepancy and see how best to love God and to love my church...which you all know i do (cogic for life - son).

Thankful for friendship and all the ways that it presents itself. Thankful for Casper and how it's not always easy to get to know me and then love me....but she has been persistent and resilient...and somehow managed to become and remain my best friend through all of it. Thankful for old friends that I don't get to talk to or see as much....but still know exactly what I mean and what I need when I reach out to them randomly...usually by emailing some hastily written and unfinished po-em..or a random g-chat at 2 in the morn (yeah.. Carrie, Chriss, Di - I'm talking about you). Thankful for unexpected friends like Mary Beth, and unpredictable friends like Jess...both Jesses. Thankful for friends that aren't friends anymore. Even though I miss them dearly.

Thankful for being a part of the kind of family that would post pieces of their Thanksgiving Day on UStream.

Thankful for po-e-try and all the place its taken me the past couple years. Still don't know how long I'm going to do the dance between performance po-et and teacher....don't know who I'm going to leave the dance floor with....but I never imagined that I would get to do some of the stuff that I've done with my words, and I really am grateful for that.

Also for all of the crap that people have been annoying me with all day...a job, place to stay, food to eat, clothes to wear, et cetera, et cetera...

And I'm grateful to still be here.

Even though it's hard.

It's good to be here.

Peace Be