Adventures in Violence

So.
A blood vessel burst in my eye. And after the initial trauma of envisioning myself blind, hypertensive, an ultimately dying from some sort of brain bleed, I (along with a medical professional) decided that it was no big deal. except for the itching. and watering. and the fact that my eye was so bloodshot that other people began to look pained and nauseous when they glanced in my direction. this reaction, inspired me to wear sunglasses until such time as my medicated drops can do the magic of medicated drops.

The experience of wearing shades at all times has provided some interesting commentary on how the people I interact with on a daily basis perceive violence - specifically when i'm perceived to be a victim of violence - which is to say several of women from my church and most of my male students came to me and whispered in hushed tones: "Is everything ok?" And when i responded that I was ok, they would come closer and say, "No really...is everything ok....like...did someone hit you?" I found that whole exchange to be oddly sweet, especially when it was one of my students - because I understood that they were trying to be protective in some way. What proved to be more disturbing, was the men who would see me from a distance, ask rather loudly if i had been knocked around, and then chuckle as they passed by. Who....does that? Why would you imagine that it's ok for you to announce something so personal and appalling and then laugh about it?

I remember the first time I was really hit by a boyfriend in high school, and how horrific it was, even though it was an isolated event. There are people close to me who've had to experience the trauma of living with an abusive partner, and I just can't wrap my mind around how there are still people that can react to someone has been victimized with anything that veers away from the side of empathy.

Most of the men where I work are jerks.

Peace Be

Adventures in 26 - 28/30 - the look. i'm doing my best edition

26 .

middle school students
are a study in chaos
entropy revealed

27.

i have this tendency of seeing beauty
where other folks see mistakes
like the rubble of almost floating
near a lighthouse after a storm
and i have always said that you
are the most beautiful i've ever seen
which is warning sign enough
for anyone paying attention
so tell me what my firsts are writing
at dawn when the moon is still full in the sky
my heart is a fault line on the brink of crumble
and i tire
of making things pretty

28.

he  may be as cute
as he already believs
when his voice changes

Adventures in 25/30 - Late Edition

Kadiatou Diallo to Sybrina Fulton

because they do not know the difference between party and protest
do not begrudge them this time
this cause
they are making of your catastrophe
is the new fad with which they entertain themselves
see how informed they are
how aware
how much passion spills over in their blood
i bet a few poets have uncapped their pens for him
to add to their hoodies
and their one dollar teas
through all of this
keep your cool
put a flame beneath the stone of your eyes
whenever you step outside of your door
stand straight-backed
and tight-lipped
like there is a new steel to the spine of you
do not measure the worth of these happenings with anything you hear in the press
this is festival
the next big thing
a reality show they are proud to watch
the names of black men like sitcoms on the brink of cancellation
just wait
they will soon change the channel
see the remote already in their hands
after they have pulled the meme from him
they will hand back a mangled memory
hold it close
crumble away the pieces you know cannot be truth
use the dust of it to dampen the flame in your stomach
melt into the arms of the folk you have left
and remember him
the way you did before he was a symbol
or a martyr
or a justice undone
now that they are done with him
you may grieve for your son