been trying not to dwell. trying to say something that sums up how i feel...been trying not to feel. unsuccessful on all accounts.
well. not dwelling so much. i taught the babies with a smile on my face. i packed. i drove home. i laughed it off when the folks asked where he was. got up this morning. started cooking. said funny things when the sweet potatoes started smoking. played rock band with the baby brother. learned to play mah jong...
...and i know it's only been a few days. but having no real awareness before of how this man has pervaded my life, his very pointed absence is becoming something of a dull ache in the pit of my stomach. i wasn't prepared for it.
mm. i could call him. (yeah, yeah, i know...."you haven't called! *gasp*) but that would take some understanding on my part of the nature of argument and forgiveness. what is a person allowed to say under the umbrella of anger and hurt? i mean...i don't at all pretend to be "blameless" in this situation...but after i've said "i'm sorry" for all that you're angry for, even if you can't offer forgiveness at that point, are you allowed to just froth at the mouth with every hurtful thing you can think of? didn't think so.
....this is the part where i come up with something clever or insightful to tag the post with....not today.
peace be