Adventures in NaPoWriMo 23/30

in the end
we always call in question the beginning
on bad days
i’m sure even God regrets
that whole
“let there be”
and the two of us
made in His image it seems
are no different
me
a bundle of questions
as to where the fall began
you
not raindance enough
to wipe the slate clean
in the beginning
was the word
and the word
has always been love
but words alone are never enough
to hold their weight in water
in the beginning
we try not to anticipate the end
on good days
i’m sure even God believes
that we all
will find redemption
i find it hard to sleep at night
i fear you nightmare of my face
i fear your subconscious will only call up memories of bad days
but in the beginning
the two of us wrong were still our own kind of beautiful
a thing with holding on to
even in the end

Adventures in NaPoWriMo 22/30

i need a vagina to destroy

~Friend and fellow poet, trying to convey his level of frustration at organizing a poetry slam

even the sweetest among us

can dr.jekyl into cyanide

a slip of tongue like razor gash

across a boy’s intention

i believed

you were a poet

but it seems

you are a man

and as such

i guess will do

what men are apt to do

which is to say

will do what any one of us can do

which is to say

i did not know the mr. hyde

you kept shackled in the closet

whipped into submission with your well placed words

how fitting

that your unveiling was a word misspoken

between friends

so frustrated

the only thing you could say

was that on the wrong day

you could be a rapist

i wonder

if hyde justified his behavior

with all the good he knew jekyll would do

the karmic scale set even enough

to nullify any remorse

a priest

who also molests little boys

a wife beater

who serves as a deacon at church

a poet

who needs a vagina to destroy

as soon as the poetry slam is over

i wonder

do we performers take pseudonyms

to be the namesake of our righteousness

the dr.jekylls to the hydes who appear

whenever we put away our pens

the poetic persona a meager mask

for the monsters that we are

sometimes horrific

even in the eyes of those

who we know love us most

i wonder

when jekyll finally broke beneath the weight of being hyde

when did he decide to explain it all away

did he believe that the lack of evil intent

would somehow hold him blameless

do we believe

that we are only responsible for

the words we say on stage

even the sweetest among us

is a coin flip away

from exposing the bitter of real in our bellies

a bad day spark igniting the flame

we hide away at night

dr. jekyll

a brilliant beast of a man

above a quiet torture

i do not expect of you perfection

we are all at some points profane

but mr.hyde

you are a poet

please careful

of what you say

Adventures in NaPoWriMo 21/30

when i grow up

i’ll be the kind of girl

that does not hurt other people

not on purpose

not with a sucker punch

saying something about being whole now

i will finish what i start

think twice before beginning

go back to not making promises

until i know that i can keep them

i will do more with this heart

than beat

and  break

do more with with this love than weep

when i get older

i will be the woman

you always told me i could be

Adventures in NaPoWriMo 20/30

So. Apparently we've reached the portion of the month where I write pretty awful, crazy poems...with no real relevance to anyone except me and a person who will never actually read the poems.....but nevertheless. Um...gonna be avalanching out my insides for the next couple pieces...so be prepared for that - or if you'd like, you can just rejoin me around #23 or so for better poetry.

for the waffle house

parking lot

walmart

sunrise

first kiss

butterscotch

bitter and sweet

for the phone call

car ride

bar hop

night crawl

slow dance music

soft and offbeat

for the after

and dizzy

silver

and calm

promise and break

the startle and sting

for the memories to come

that will be haunting

for having nothing to offer

but a poem

and an apology

Adventures in NaPoWriMo 19/30

someday

someone will have the misfortune

of seeing me kind

and gentle hearted

their love an open handshake

to center in my palm

i will tell them

the human heart is the size of a fist

and i am more sucker punch than soul mate, love

i am no one

to go all in with

Adventures in NaPoWriMo 18/30

So this particular piece is a cleave poem (that's right - i'm messing around with forms). The idea - it's three poems in one: the left column is a poem, the right column is a poem, and then if you read the whole thing left to right like normal, it's another poem. I don't know that this particular cleave poem is any good, but it was....pretty friggin' difficult to put together.

i dreamt of you		last night
under the stars		holding the moon between your fingers
the night a velvet blanket		you said
between the two of us		nothing is impossible
i said		i swear
i wish		i believed you
that we were awake		eyes open
without pretense		hand over heart
i promised		giving in to that illusion
to love you this much		then
in the morning		it was over

Adventures in NaPoWriMo 17/30

what you cannot say

is that there is still

a race problem in the country

that say

a dark skinned Saudi man

was sought for the injure

of a fragile country’s rebounding psyche

that no one would blame you

for beating up a frightened Pakistani boy

because all those Arabs look alike

like niggers

and the spics

and even if he didn't do this

one day

he’ll probably become a terrorist

what with him being a Muslim and all

and that’s not at the same

as religious intolerance

it’s just that the Christians have never killed people

not in the name of God

and you cannot say

when it turns out not be

a dark skinned Saudi man

that it wasn't a comfort to realize

he was in fact a foreigner

which is not the same at all

as being xenophobic

it is only making sure that people remain fair

you cannot go blaming a group of people

for the actions of two unstable men

what kind of world with this be

if we judged a person by the color of his skin

because that is racist

and we don’t put up with that sort of thing

not here

Adventures in NaPoWriMo 16/30

only the heartbroken know what it means

to witness the world in bittersweet, love

i wanted to call you today

watched a relationship fold into comfort

at the corner of a coffee shop

two lovers entwined in listening

as easy as a handshake

forgot how walking away from you

was the same as being free

knew you were the only one who would understand

why your number is still in my phone

how i keep track of how many times i’ve ignored

your still persistent calling

and i love you

the same way i have learned to love

those early childhood spankings

for all the things they taught

if not the way they felt

even if it always felt home

i have uprooted a life before,

love

i will never answer my phone

please

don’t stop calling

Adventures in NaPoWrimo 15/30

i am so American

when i heard of the bombs going off in Boston

i thought of the trip i’d taken just two weeks before

then to my older brother who used to lived there once

then to a few former friends who proclaimed they were on vacation

then to the score i would get on the poem i would write analyzing the tragedy

then to the 170 wounded

then the 2 deceased

in that order

without any grief

Adventures in NaPoWriMo 14/30

when people tell me act my age

i never know how to respond

when i was twelve years old

i was so unapologetic about what i believed in

i refused to sit near a muslim boy at lunch

afraid that the prayer he said over his food

would somehow offend my god

at twenty-five

i was certain the same god didn’t know my name

thirteen years ago

i had my first pregnancy scare

this week

i teach girls to protect themselves

when i was six

i was certain that writing was my calling

at twenty-seven

i believe the same thing

they say age is nothing but a number

age 21: the legal drinking age

age 7: downing my very first beer

16: driver’s license

19: drove my father to the emergency room; swore never to drive again

i felt my most mature at age ten i think

maybe at seventeen

i want to act my age

just maybe not this one

Adventures in NaPoWriMo 13/30

This poem is proof that if you are getting an idea as you are falling asleep, you should try to scribble it down or give up on it completely. Otherwise, you inflict this kind of...bla....on your dedicated (6?) readers.

and maybe i don’t thank you enough

for the ways you helped me turn out right

spend too much energy

counting down the ways you got it wrong

but i still laugh like you

repeat my stories

hold the room with an ice cold stare

i got a thing for a jazz

a bigger thing for musicians

i lean into the microphone to get a point across

step back a little when i need the crowd to think

and there is always a crowd

even if it’s just your voice in my head on repeat

i aim to please

for a daddy’s girl who’s more disappointment

than she knows what to do with

it gets hard to carve a space for the leftover love to go

but this i do

and do well

because your baby has learned to be the best

in spite of

to wear your name on my chest

and i am grateful for that

in small ways

that normally go without mention

Adventures in NaPoWriMo 12/30

girl how long you been going natural?

most folks with naturals look like they just don’t care

that natural look ain’t for everyone

i would go natural, but i got that african hair

I.

the verb ‘to go’

means to journey from one place to another

the slow and steady of travel and pace

the swapping of one hair texture for the next

like a 21st century transatlantic trade

II.

to enslave an entire people

you better come with more than a whip and chain

your power is not in a lash to the back

but in anything you can strip away

take his language

and his religion

break down his traditions at the root

make him see in anything unlike himself

the definition of something beautiful

III.

why you all turned up at the lip

when you the one artificial

IV.

a chemical straightener

permeates the hair to strip its protein at the root

in this way

we continue to teach ourselves

that to be broken down is beautiful

V.

i been natural for ten years now

it is safe to say i live here

i do not travel back to any place

that nature never intended

VI.

the back to africa movement began in the 1800s

as a simple wish for people to return to a kind of home

it met with majority Black opposition

believing Africa to be

less than the America they came from

VII.

the journey from chemical to not

is more than anything you do with your hair

it is building back what’s been taken away

to settle complete into your own space

VIII.

the word natural

means to be marked by freedom from affectation or constraint

to declare your own concept of beauty

to walk in restoration

Adventures in NaPoWriMo 11/30

if not for a nightmare
then maybe the heat
or the reminder of food not put away
the sound of the neighbors' dog
mixed with the music across the street
maybe thirst
or headache
or a million other reasons
all of this to say, no
missing you isn't the reason why
i cannot sleep

Adventures in NaPoWrioMo 10/30

to balance a checkbook
begin by writing your income in black ink on the top line
subtract your rent
subtract your light bill
subtract the blood draw from Verizon
weigh the price of gas against how much it will take to get to work
take a sick day
and fill up the tank
consider the frayed edges of your too-small jacket
throw it on the scale with a new shirt or two
add milk and chicken and a loaf of bread
see what must give for the load not to break
string a tightrope between this payday and the next
grip your sanity with both hands and steady across
smile slight when ignoring your friends’ invitations
pretend that you like the small of home
ignore the self-loathing in the pit of your stomach
rob peter
pay paul
promise patrick that his is on the way
stop answering the phone around the 13th
recite the verse about small beginnings
remember you have travelled this rope before
take a deep breath
hold on

Adventures in NaPoWriMo 9/30

lesson plan

take attendance

check the homework

pass out banana bread and chocolate milk

check for dress code

ignore the shirts worn twice in a row

check for a change in colors

ask tysean about his daughter

give him coupons for diapers and teething rings

hug stephanie

hug dionte

smack josh upside the head

tell him

the next time he wants to curse at a teacher

to pretend he is cursing at you

watch his shoulders sag

accept his apology

pass out paper

pass out pencils

pass out spanish to english dictionaries

remind miguel he does not have to hide who he is

when he tries to put it away

smile at gloria when she asks for more breakfast

whisper you brought some food for her to take home

tell her you’re proud of how she takes care of her brother

ask if her aunt is still looking for jobs

play some music

let them check the morning warm up

let them laugh at your awkward dance

encourage ruth to sing

tell andy not to

tell andy to get back on task

tell andy if he does not stay in his seat

he will have to take out the breakfast trash

find a marker

take a breath

turn to the class

say let’s get started

teach some math