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Saturday, May 5, 2012

Adventures in Violence

So.
A blood vessel burst in my eye. And after the initial trauma of envisioning myself blind, hypertensive, an ultimately dying from some sort of brain bleed, I (along with a medical professional) decided that it was no big deal. except for the itching. and watering. and the fact that my eye was so bloodshot that other people began to look pained and nauseous when they glanced in my direction. this reaction, inspired me to wear sunglasses until such time as my medicated drops can do the magic of medicated drops.

The experience of wearing shades at all times has provided some interesting commentary on how the people I interact with on a daily basis perceive violence - specifically when i'm perceived to be a victim of violence - which is to say several of women from my church and most of my male students came to me and whispered in hushed tones: "Is everything ok?" And when i responded that I was ok, they would come closer and say, "No really...is everything ok....like...did someone hit you?" I found that whole exchange to be oddly sweet, especially when it was one of my students - because I understood that they were trying to be protective in some way. What proved to be more disturbing, was the men who would see me from a distance, ask rather loudly if i had been knocked around, and then chuckle as they passed by. Who....does that? Why would you imagine that it's ok for you to announce something so personal and appalling and then laugh about it?

I remember the first time I was really hit by a boyfriend in high school, and how horrific it was, even though it was an isolated event. There are people close to me who've had to experience the trauma of living with an abusive partner, and I just can't wrap my mind around how there are still people that can react to someone has been victimized with anything that veers away from the side of empathy.

Most of the men where I work are jerks.

Peace Be