Adventures in Love

So.
I have been in love twice.
Twice and a half if you include this unrequited situation I seem to never quite be rid of, but I don't usually when I'm in the midst of being profound, so we won't include it.

I've been engaged once (twice? once and a half?) proposed to thrice, and secretly I'm certified to teach in Washington because for a brief period of time - maybe 14 or 15 months - we were going to move to Seattle.

If the numbers aren't adding up in your mind....it's because they don't add up in real life, and it dawns on me, that I....do not have this relationship thing down as well as I think I do. The cheating and settling notwithstanding...I had a thought.

I have never...just been in a relationship...I've always been somebody's first something...or they've been my first something....first date after the big break up, first adult relationship, first relationship period....and being someone's "first" something is a far cry from being their "only" anything...which is all we really want from the person we're in a relationship with.

Beyond that....sad to say....is that I'm usually not "happy" in a relationship until it's settled into a state of codependency....which I think we already knew....but no one wanted to say out loud until now...I may not know what a happy, healthy, adult relationship looks like.

We...may need to work on that.

Peace Be