Adventures in 1/30

he said

       if you don’t quit smoking, you will die
like it was a fact
like there was no leeway
like the next drag
like the very next drag of my cigarette
would be the last thing i ever did on this earth
his friendly demeanor like dust in the ashtray
his white coat like a last-chance warning

       hear me
he said

       you can quit, or you can die

that day i bought a fresh pack of cigarettes
placed it on the nightstand with the birth control and inhaler
here is how i played russian roulette with myself

sometimes i did not use condoms
other times i was still buzzed when i drove
most recent i placed a flame 3 inches from my face
and breathed slow
the savor of nicotine and suicide
like a bullet in the chamber
with a mighty slow spin
and something seductive in the pull

there is still a pack of parliaments
on the bookshelf
in my bedroom
in case i ever get trigger happy
eager to watch the world end in a puff of smoke